I love scary movies. I have watched a LOT of them, and I really enjoy it when a group of clever movie-makers can craft something that simulates a nightmare. Creating sensations that really make you feel alive. On a primal level, a good scare can be almost as enjoyable as a good laugh. Horror and comedy are strangely related. So, yeah, I love scary movies. But not all of them; there’s a pecking order. Let me explain.
Zombies leave me cold (there is nothing frightening about slow, mindless idiots, unless… well, never mind); I’ve stared numbly through several George Romero films. Classic possessions generally bore me (I’m not Catholic, so…); after watching The Exorcist late one night as a teenager, I complained to my friends, “seriously? That’s what some people say is the scariest movie ever?” And various other monsters often just seem silly; I’m lookin’ at you, most giant animal movies. Oh, and cursed objects? Yawwwwn.
But faint bumps in the night (what was that?), subtle tricks of the eye (did I just see…?), and body horror (how could one go on without that limb, etc.) terrify me terribly. Paranormal Activity, Halloween, and The Thing all fit the bill here. I’ve also found genuine frights in some creature features, like Jaws, Cloverfield, The Descent, and Alien, etc. Being eaten sucks! Your basic deranged maniacs even have an element of fearsomeness sometimes, because hey it could happen; thus the occasional slasher movie fright (also, actor/writer Gunnar Hansen who played the chainsaw-wielding Leatherface was my neighbor growing up, so there’s that). I enjoy those flicks so much, for their ability to create and sustain intense suspense and/or brief moments of pure terror.
So what does any of this have to do with running? Well, for one thing being on a run isn’t always that different from watching a movie. There’s a distinct beginning and a definite end, with some kind of progressively unfolding story in between. And much of what you get or take away from it is up to you. Each run is like a little movie we create for ourselves, and the movies aren’t always lighthearted comedies. As for running scared in general, we’ve all been there on some level. How many times have you been spooked on a run, either by an animal or a loud truck? Or by fading daylight, or a suspicious stranger, or even just the thoughts in your head?
As a regular trail runner, I frequently find myself alone in the woods; for the most part I’m very comfortable there. Sure there are a few things to be wary of here in the Northeast. Bears with cubs. Moose in rut. Evil spiders (bulbous or hairy ones with striped legs are the MOST evil). But most of the animal scares I get are from squirrels that sound as loud as a pack of Brontosaurus in the underbrush. Sometimes I get wigged out by the potential threat of encountering someone sketchy out there. Most of the time though, the thing that gives me shivers is the notion that I could somehow lose a body part that I can’t grow back (why are there so many sharp dead branches sticking out exactly at my eye level on this trail??). Dismemberment. Oh please let me never need to refer to part of myself as severed, gouged-out, or sliced off.
Usually the fear is pretty far from my mind. There’s a lot to think about on a run. Like where you are, where you’re going, why that conversation at work got you so worked up today. But sometimes it creeps in. The insidious infiltration of fear. I call it The Running Dread.
As with movies, not all running dread is equal. Sometimes it’s pretty benign and you mostly forget about it and move on before too long. Other times it comes and goes, like a fleeting flash of an unexpected figure out of the corner of your eye. And still other times it takes hold and paralyzes part of your brain, more or less wiping out your capacity for rational thought. That last one can really ruin a run! But it can also serve to force a speed workout, so hey, it’s not all bad. Fortunately, the fear always seems to go away when the movie or run ends. Or… does it.
I don’t necessarily fear the running dread. I know it’s going to be a part of my life sometimes, and it’s best to just recognize that and accept it. Maybe write about it and share the notion with others. Hope that I’m not totally alone here and at least a few people get what I’m talking about. You know? Right? Guys? Hello…? Is anyone there?
